I've always wanted kids. Motherhood was never a question for me but a fact. I remember as a child thinking that if I was not married by the time I was 30 I would go out and adopt a child. I obviously thought 30 was old...oh the things I could tell my young self, starting with "30 is NOT OLD!".
But sometimes when I look around I wish I didn't wish.
Like that time when you look at a friend's new kitchen and think that 'The only time I will ever get cabinets that colour if the little men spill their stewed dates all over them'.
Like that time when a dear friend is getting married in another province and you just can't come up with the money while on mat leave, let alone fly and go to a wedding with a new nursing babe alone.
Like the time that you watch people leave the gym and remember when you used to have muscles, was free to leave the house at 6am to go workout and was not so sleep deprived that you also had the will power to go.
Like the time you look around your house and realize that it will never ever ever ever be tidy or clean unless you are home alone with no kids for a week - maybe just maybe that will get it back to the pre-kid state.
Like when you watch others going on holidays, going out to nice dinners and wearing a wardrobe that is not determined by how well it will camouflage baby food spray and think, remember when...
Like when I came up from doing ANOTHER load of laundry to find the Little Man's arms wrapped tight around his dads neck with love radiating from his face. I know this should have made me warm and fuzzy, but this day it made me see green.
WHY NOT ME?!?
why?
Then that little 2 year old arm reaches out for a hug. How did he know? "Momma sad?" he asks. Followed by "Make Momma happy" and gives me a big hug.
Oh right...silly me. THAT is why I wanted kids. I wanted to get to love someone unconditionally and show them the world. Little did I know how much they would show me.
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Monday, 11 March 2013
Momma Wars
When did motherhood become a battle ground instead of a team sport...scratch that...sport indicates someone will win...collective support system?
Breast is Best....but you better keep it covered in public
Your partner can share in the bonding of feeding with formula...but your babe will not have a strong immunity
Cry it out will get you some sleep...but your child will never trust you again
Co-sleep will get you some sleep...but you are raising dependent adults
Time-outs might work...but you are taking your love away from your child as a form of punishment
Explaining the situation might work...but you are now raising a spoiled brat
Spanking might work...but you are abusing your child
You wear your baby...but you will never get a moment rest and they will never learn to self sooth
You use a stroller and swing...but you are depriving your baby of their needs during the 4th trimester and impacting their brain development
You are on your i-phone at the park...but you miss out on all the little moment of your child's life
You are on your i-phone at the park...but you don't lose your shit later that day as you had a chance to laugh with friends even if electronically
A natural home water birth with a midwife is what you choose...but you are a hippy putting your child's life in danger
A hospital birth with an epidural is what you choose...but you are a whimp and will never experience 'true' birth
You use disposable diapers...but you hate the environment
You use cloth diapers...but you are gross putting poop in your washing machine
You stay at home....but don't contribute to the household
You work for money....but don't love your kids enough to be home with them
I know parts are a bit blurry of the birth but I'm pretty sure I didn't deliver a book after either of my boys were born. WHY? Because kids do not come with a manuel. Why? Because there is no RIGHT way or WRONG way (other then the obvious but lets not go there) way to raise your kids.
I am a natural birth, breastfeeding, don't know how to use my phone, cloth diapering, try different disciplines until something works, co-sleeper who is willing to let them cry sometimes Momma. And I make no apologizes because I am doing the best that I can do.
I am doing it RIGHT! Right for me. Right for my boys. And YOU, you are doing it RIGHT. Right for you. Right for your kids.
I have never asked the Parent Police to comment on my parenting. Didn't your mother not teach you that "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all!"? So please don't feel you have an obligation to tell me what I'm doing wrong unless I ask for your opinion. I will ask if I want it.
I have asked so many mommas for help and ideas and tips and solutions. I believe that motherhood was meant to be a collective where we all help each other out instead of tare each other down. I ask my mom friends at work how they manage with two kids. I ask the moms at the park if time-outs work for them. I ask the mom shopping for apples beside me how she keeps her toddler from running through the grocery store (thanks for the tip). I ask all my facebook world what to do about a toddler who whines all the time.
I know so many wonderful mother who approach motherhood the same, similarily and the complete opposite to me. They are all wonderful mothers because they are working their respective butts off for their kids. So why is it that it seems motherhood is a battle instead of a collective support system?
Next time you see a mother doing a bang out awesome job...let her know. It might just help balance out that person that tore he down yesterday.
PS: And a big THANK-YOU to all the women who have commented and said I was "doing a good job", "it was great to see you counting pears with your son", "he is so well behaved", "oh you use cloth diapers too I loved them", "a water birth that is so neat". Thanks for the support!
Breast is Best....but you better keep it covered in public
Your partner can share in the bonding of feeding with formula...but your babe will not have a strong immunity
Cry it out will get you some sleep...but your child will never trust you again
Co-sleep will get you some sleep...but you are raising dependent adults
Time-outs might work...but you are taking your love away from your child as a form of punishment
Explaining the situation might work...but you are now raising a spoiled brat
Spanking might work...but you are abusing your child
You wear your baby...but you will never get a moment rest and they will never learn to self sooth
You use a stroller and swing...but you are depriving your baby of their needs during the 4th trimester and impacting their brain development
You are on your i-phone at the park...but you miss out on all the little moment of your child's life
You are on your i-phone at the park...but you don't lose your shit later that day as you had a chance to laugh with friends even if electronically
A natural home water birth with a midwife is what you choose...but you are a hippy putting your child's life in danger
A hospital birth with an epidural is what you choose...but you are a whimp and will never experience 'true' birth
You use disposable diapers...but you hate the environment
You use cloth diapers...but you are gross putting poop in your washing machine
You stay at home....but don't contribute to the household
You work for money....but don't love your kids enough to be home with them
DID I MISS WHERE MY KIDS CAME WITH THEIR MANUEL?!?!?!?!
I know parts are a bit blurry of the birth but I'm pretty sure I didn't deliver a book after either of my boys were born. WHY? Because kids do not come with a manuel. Why? Because there is no RIGHT way or WRONG way (other then the obvious but lets not go there) way to raise your kids.
I am a natural birth, breastfeeding, don't know how to use my phone, cloth diapering, try different disciplines until something works, co-sleeper who is willing to let them cry sometimes Momma. And I make no apologizes because I am doing the best that I can do.
I am doing it RIGHT! Right for me. Right for my boys. And YOU, you are doing it RIGHT. Right for you. Right for your kids.
I have never asked the Parent Police to comment on my parenting. Didn't your mother not teach you that "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all!"? So please don't feel you have an obligation to tell me what I'm doing wrong unless I ask for your opinion. I will ask if I want it.
I have asked so many mommas for help and ideas and tips and solutions. I believe that motherhood was meant to be a collective where we all help each other out instead of tare each other down. I ask my mom friends at work how they manage with two kids. I ask the moms at the park if time-outs work for them. I ask the mom shopping for apples beside me how she keeps her toddler from running through the grocery store (thanks for the tip). I ask all my facebook world what to do about a toddler who whines all the time.
I know so many wonderful mother who approach motherhood the same, similarily and the complete opposite to me. They are all wonderful mothers because they are working their respective butts off for their kids. So why is it that it seems motherhood is a battle instead of a collective support system?
Next time you see a mother doing a bang out awesome job...let her know. It might just help balance out that person that tore he down yesterday.
PS: And a big THANK-YOU to all the women who have commented and said I was "doing a good job", "it was great to see you counting pears with your son", "he is so well behaved", "oh you use cloth diapers too I loved them", "a water birth that is so neat". Thanks for the support!
Sunday, 3 March 2013
More Mindless Dehydrated Me
So.....................
February and my attempt at only eating mindfully was a bit of a bust, thus I am again using this as a health goal for this month again. This is an area that I obviously need to work on. My goal this month is to not only aim to eat more mindfully but dissociate computer/TV = food for me. EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK! Got my work cut out for me.I know though that when I kick this habit (even if it takes all year) my health will be dramatically improved.
It can sometimes be easier to focus on DOING something then NOT DOING something. With this in mind my other goal for March is to adequatly hydrate myself. I do not drink enough anything, let alone water, for health not to mention a nursing mommas health.
March Health Goals:
1) Drink minimum of 3L of fluid with a minimum of 2L coming from water or herbal teas
2) Limit Mindless eating
a) no eating while watching TV, engaged on computer or reading
b) aim to limit eating while standing/driving/working in kitchen as it can lead to mindlessness
3) Limit Sugar
a) Limit high sugar foods to 1x/week
b) Be aware and avoid added sugars in most food
Here is my Journey:
Day 1:
Tracked my fluids today and had to get a few extra glasses of water to reach my goal. Accomplished this b/c I planned for it. No TV eating ect...but then again I was away for the evening and that tends to be my downfall time.
Day 2:
Was doing so well on all accounts....then I put the Littlest Man to bed and my hand were free...and I wanted to fill them with food. I marginally caved and made myself a english muffin with this raspberry honey we got at the farmers market today (YUM!). I was well aware I was being weak...but instead of saying 'What the Hell' and giving up - which would have happened in February - I stopped the show I was watching when I took a bite and mindfully ate each and every bite. So I would call this a successful stepping stone.
February and my attempt at only eating mindfully was a bit of a bust, thus I am again using this as a health goal for this month again. This is an area that I obviously need to work on. My goal this month is to not only aim to eat more mindfully but dissociate computer/TV = food for me. EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK! Got my work cut out for me.I know though that when I kick this habit (even if it takes all year) my health will be dramatically improved.
It can sometimes be easier to focus on DOING something then NOT DOING something. With this in mind my other goal for March is to adequatly hydrate myself. I do not drink enough anything, let alone water, for health not to mention a nursing mommas health.
March Health Goals:
1) Drink minimum of 3L of fluid with a minimum of 2L coming from water or herbal teas
2) Limit Mindless eating
a) no eating while watching TV, engaged on computer or reading
b) aim to limit eating while standing/driving/working in kitchen as it can lead to mindlessness
3) Limit Sugar
a) Limit high sugar foods to 1x/week
b) Be aware and avoid added sugars in most food
Here is my Journey:
Day 1:
Tracked my fluids today and had to get a few extra glasses of water to reach my goal. Accomplished this b/c I planned for it. No TV eating ect...but then again I was away for the evening and that tends to be my downfall time.
Day 2:
Was doing so well on all accounts....then I put the Littlest Man to bed and my hand were free...and I wanted to fill them with food. I marginally caved and made myself a english muffin with this raspberry honey we got at the farmers market today (YUM!). I was well aware I was being weak...but instead of saying 'What the Hell' and giving up - which would have happened in February - I stopped the show I was watching when I took a bite and mindfully ate each and every bite. So I would call this a successful stepping stone.
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