What a WONDER-ful World

This weekend started out with our typical pizza and movie night, but ended with my reawakening of childhood wonder. 

We rented The Guardians to watch. I was immediately brought back to all the magic of childhood. The belief in all that you can not see but is there because you believe.

I was reminded of the magic of a snow days, the belief that stockings hung by the chimney with care would be filled. I was reminded that Mommy & Daddy are invincible and that summers last forever. I was reminded that magic is not a falsity that we tell our kids, but something that is truly there. I believe that as we grow up, we assume that because we are expected to help bring about magic, that it then must not exist. When in fact, we are expected to pass on and fully participate in the magic that we were so fortunate to witness as children. How can you watch the moonlight twinkle on fresh fallen snow.....and not believe in magic? How can you have the car in front of you at Tim's buy you your coffee on the one day that you needed it most.....and not believe in a little magic? How can you watch a 3 year old see Santa for the first time.....and not believe in magic?

With all this deep soul searching was it not apt that as the Little Man & I rounded a corner at the mall today we ran smack into the Santa Village - and guess who was hanging out. "mom....look"     "Mom....Look"    "MOM....LOOK!"  Who is it I ask...'Santa?! It Santa Clause? Can I say Hi?'

There was a long line, we were running behind and I had no intention of getting pictures done today. A few days ago I might have danced around it a bit and tried to wiggle a wave to Santa and then carry on our way. Today...This weekend I said YES and I was just as excited.

I cried. I cried tears of pure joy as I watched my son fill with light, excitement and magic. He could not contain his excitement. His smile reach as wide as it could with both cheeks dimpling in joy. He hummed with anticipation. And I cried some more. He told Santa that 'Yes' he did listen to his mom, he asked for Dinosaurs & Santa got a high five. I wiped away the tears on my cheeks as My Little Man walked towards me beaming with the magic of childhood and said "Thanks Mom".

What a WONDERfully WONDER filled weekend!

Out of this Momma's mouth?

"Outta the mouth of babes" is a common phrase, however I never truly appreciated the full depth of meaning there until having a little chatterer of my own. They speak the truth as they hear it and more importantly they represent a mirror of yourself. My Little Man will often say something and we think 'Oh I know where he got that from." but some comment require more relfection then others.

"RIGHT NOW!"
If you look of distracted in the dictionary you will see a picture of my Little Man right there. He is known to find 5 things to do between putting on one shoe (if he is not too distracted to even get that far) and the other. I know I am always telling him to do this or that "right now" (in a loud voice) as we are often on the 5th or 6th request. When you suddenly hear your toddler yell at you to "Get Down Table, RIGHT NOW!" you really know how they hear you. I don't yell as him...I'm firm, authoriative and loud enough to break through his thoughts...but he hears it as yelling. That's what matters.

"I'm busy"
As cute as this is to hear a toddler tell me his is too busy reading book to eat breakfast or too busy touching his elbow (seriously!) to wash up from lunch I have to reflect on why this is a new common phrase. Do I really tell him I am too busy to read with him or go for a walk or play or see inside his imaginative world for a moment. The dishes need doing, meals need to be made and laundry always always always needs to be put away. This is no excuse. I do not want my children to look back as think of their momma as being too busy to see them and that the work of life was more important then them. In my defense I don't think I'm that bad. Due to reflection on this lately I have been much more aware of stopping what I am doing and giving my kiddos the undivided attention they deserve...even if only for a minute.

"Time Out"
The last time my Little Man was mad at me and told me to go on time out because I was not listening to him I wanted to take it - and I was not listening very well aka doing what he told me to do. *SIGH* 30 minutes......Alone......I'm on my way! Just let me get my book and tea first! We use time out for a calm down time and as a break in the behviour pattern....boy o boy did I need it that morning!

Sometimes hearing myself back has been less then flattering, sometime funny and sometime proud that he is understanding why we do something and when it is appropriate, like the time out.

Yesterday, hearing my little man comfort his crying brother in the back seat of the car brought tears to my eyes.

"It otay Owen. It otay, Momma loves you. It otay Owen, Momma loves you"

 
As much as I may mess up time to time (okay.....on a daily basis) I take this a proof that I'm doing something right. 

Why did I want kids again?

I've always wanted kids. Motherhood was never a question for me but a fact. I remember as a child thinking that if I was not married by the time I was 30 I would go out and adopt a child. I obviously thought 30 was old...oh the things I could tell my young self, starting with "30 is NOT OLD!".

But sometimes when I look around I wish I didn't wish.

Like that time when you look at a friend's new kitchen and think that 'The only time I will ever get cabinets that colour if the little men spill their stewed dates all over them'.

Like that time when a dear friend is getting married in another province and you just can't come up with the money while on mat leave, let alone fly and go to a wedding with a new nursing babe alone.

Like the time that you watch people leave the gym and remember when you used to have muscles, was free to leave the house at 6am to go workout and was not so sleep deprived that you also had the will power to go.

Like the time you look around your house and realize that it will never ever ever ever be tidy or clean unless you are home alone with no kids for a week - maybe just maybe that will get it back to the pre-kid state.

Like when you watch others going on holidays, going out to nice dinners and wearing a wardrobe that is not determined by how well it will camouflage baby food spray and think, remember when...

Like when I came up from doing ANOTHER load of laundry to find the Little Man's arms wrapped tight around his dads neck with love radiating from his face. I know this should have made me warm and fuzzy, but this day it made me see green.

WHY NOT ME?!? 

why?

Then that little 2 year old arm reaches out for a hug. How did he know? "Momma sad?" he asks. Followed by "Make Momma happy" and gives me a big hug.

Oh right...silly me. THAT is why I wanted kids. I wanted to get to love someone unconditionally and show them the world. Little did I know how much they would show me.

Momma Wars

When did motherhood become a battle ground instead of a team sport...scratch that...sport indicates someone will win...collective support system?




Breast is Best....but you better keep it covered in public
Your partner can share in the bonding of feeding with formula...but your babe will not have a strong immunity

Cry it out will get you some sleep...but your child will never trust you again
Co-sleep will get you some sleep...but you are raising dependent adults

Time-outs might work...but you are taking your love away from your child as a form of punishment
Explaining the situation might work...but you are now raising a spoiled brat
Spanking might work...but you are abusing your child

You wear your baby...but you will never get a moment rest and they will never learn to self sooth
You use a stroller and swing...but you are depriving your baby of their needs during the 4th trimester and impacting their brain development

You are on your i-phone at the park...but you miss out on all the little moment of your child's life
You are on your i-phone at the park...but you don't lose your shit later that day as you had a chance to laugh with friends even if electronically

A natural home water birth with a midwife is what you choose...but you are a hippy putting your child's life in danger
A hospital birth with an epidural is what you choose...but you are a whimp and will never experience 'true' birth

You use disposable diapers...but you hate the environment
You use cloth diapers...but you are gross putting poop in your washing machine

You stay at home....but don't contribute to the household
You work for money....but don't love your kids enough to be home with them

DID I MISS WHERE MY KIDS CAME WITH THEIR MANUEL?!?!?!?!

I know parts are a bit blurry of the birth but I'm pretty sure I didn't deliver a book after either of my boys were born. WHY? Because kids do not come with a manuel. Why? Because there is no RIGHT way or WRONG way (other then the obvious but lets not go there) way to raise your kids.

I am a natural birth, breastfeeding, don't know how to use my phone, cloth diapering, try different disciplines until something works, co-sleeper who is willing to let them cry sometimes Momma. And I make no apologizes because I am doing the best that I can do.

I am doing it RIGHT! Right for me. Right for my boys. And YOU, you are doing it RIGHT. Right for you. Right for your kids.

I have never asked the Parent Police to comment on my parenting. Didn't your mother not teach you that "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all!"? So please don't feel you have an obligation to tell me what I'm doing wrong unless I ask for your opinion. I will ask if I want it.

I have asked so many mommas for help and ideas and tips and solutions. I believe that motherhood was meant to be a collective where we all help each other out instead of tare each other down. I ask my mom friends at work how they manage with two kids. I ask the moms at the park if time-outs work for them. I ask the mom shopping for apples beside me how she keeps her toddler from running through the grocery store (thanks for the tip). I ask all my facebook world what to do about a toddler who whines all the time.

I know so many wonderful mother who approach motherhood the same, similarily and the complete opposite to me. They are all wonderful mothers because they are working their respective butts off for their kids. So why is it that it seems motherhood is a battle instead of a collective support system?

Next time you see a mother doing a bang out awesome job...let her know. It might just help balance out that person that tore he down yesterday.

PS: And a big THANK-YOU to all the women who have commented and said I was "doing a good job", "it was great to see you counting pears with your son", "he is so well behaved", "oh you use cloth diapers too I loved them", "a water birth that is so neat". Thanks for the support!

More Mindless Dehydrated Me

So.....................
February and my attempt at only eating mindfully was a bit of a bust, thus I am again using this as a health goal for this month again. This is an area that I obviously need to work on. My goal this month is to not only aim to eat more mindfully but dissociate computer/TV = food for me. EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK! Got my work cut out for me.I know though that when I kick this habit (even if it takes all year) my health will be dramatically improved.

It can sometimes be easier to focus on DOING something then NOT DOING something. With this in mind my other goal for March is to adequatly hydrate myself. I do not drink enough anything,  let alone water, for health not to mention a nursing mommas health.

March Health Goals:
1) Drink minimum of 3L of fluid with a minimum of 2L coming from water or herbal teas
2) Limit Mindless eating
      a) no eating while watching TV, engaged on computer or reading
      b) aim to limit eating while standing/driving/working in kitchen as it can lead to mindlessness
3) Limit Sugar
     a) Limit high sugar foods to 1x/week
     b) Be aware and avoid added sugars in most food

Here is my Journey: 

Day 1:
Tracked my fluids today and had to get a few extra glasses of water to reach my goal. Accomplished this b/c I planned for it. No TV eating ect...but then again I was away for the evening and that tends to be my downfall time.

Day 2:
Was doing so well on all accounts....then I put the Littlest Man to bed and my hand were free...and I wanted to fill them with food. I marginally caved and made myself a english muffin with this raspberry honey we got at the farmers market today (YUM!). I was well aware I was being weak...but instead of saying 'What the Hell' and giving up - which would have happened in February - I stopped the show I was watching when I took a bite and mindfully ate each and every bite. So I would call this a successful stepping stone.

Six Months Ago Today....

Six months ago today the sun came up and went down. Very few people would have noticed this particular day but for me and my family it was very special. We welcome our Littlest Man into our world and our family.

This is my birth story...

I was 41 weeks and five days. My amazing midwives were supporting me in my choice not to be induced (so far) and I was home in the evening after getting one of my 'check to make sure the baby is still fine' ultrasounds. Everything was looking fine but I knew if this little one did not come soon they would be recommending I look to castor oil and if that did not work a hospital induction. I was happy to wait as long as the baby was safe and was actually enjoying every day where my babe and I were truly two people as one. They are a lot more work once they are born! I had had a home water birth with my Little Man two years ago and was passionate that I wanted that again, thus a hospital induction was not in my plans.

That evening I felt a cramp...then another one 15 minutes later...then another one 15 minutes later. These felt suspiciously like early contractions to me so I hustled my brother and sister-in-law out of the house so I could get to bed. Sure enough, I woke up a at midnight, unable to sleep through the contractions. I worked through those first few hours of contractions alone, just my little one and I working together to get him into this world. At 3am I woke my hubby up. Thankfully this time he did not tell me I was "full of it" like he did when I woke him up in the middle of the night with my oldest.

Then the fun part...baking the Groaning Cake. I read about this in The Birth House and thought it would be a great activity to get me through the initial stages of labour. I was able to do something I enjoy, keep busy and focused outward, the house would end up smelling great and I would have something yummy to eat when all was said and done!

Baking my Groaning Cake at 5am

It was during this that contractions progressed to be 5 minutes apart. We called 'The Moms' who were both invited to share in our little ones arrival. By share I mean we were going to put them to work being support persons and looking after our little man during the day. It was now around 5 am and we called our midwife to let her know today was the day. I was not too sure if I should be calling her as I was not at the point where I was when we called the midwife during my first birth. I'm glad we called when we did....I WAS 8cm ALREADY. I was laughing, joking, smiling and baking at 8cm...I thought I was rocking this labour. I was ready to have this baby and we decided to break my waters. My midwife wanted to wait until my secondary midwife was there as she said the baby's head was right there and it would be quick.

During this time my Little Man woke up. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Yup, that's right. It looked like this little one was going to share a birthday with his big brother!

Birthday breakfast. Look Who's Two!

Bets were laid for the birth time...8:00am, 8:30am, 9:00am....They all lost.

It gets a little fuzzy here so I will let the photos taken by my amazing coworker and friend, Cora, do most of the talking.

After my water was broken my darling baby did not come quickly. Instead I walked and walked and walked around the field behind my house to help labour progress. One of my awesome midwives would come out to check the babe, give me blue and black cohosh and send me on my way to walk some more.

 This is my favourite photo of the labour. The whole family working together.

 

Over two hours later (~10:30am) it must have been working as I was much less chipper. I believe it was around this time I had a wee little breakdown and maybe shed a few tears. It was finally tub time!

I was finally able to get into the pool. I was advised against getting in too early as the warm water could slow the contractions down...and we were trying to rev them up. Well my midwives were trying to rev them up, I thought they were revved enough but this baby was just stuck! 

When you get to the point where you are crying and are having trouble breathing through the contractions there is NOTHING like getting into a warm pool. It gives you a break, a momentary relief and a second to collect yourself before forging onwards.

Patrick; my baking partner, my back rubber, my hand to hold (and almost bite) and the one who kept reminding me to breathe breathe breathe. Love You!

 This was taken 30minutes before my babe was born. I have no idea where that smirk came from. 

This is more what I remember of this time

I didn't think I could do it. I don't remember much clearly - is that natures way of making sure we do this more then once? - but I clearly remember actually thinking I could not do this. I think I actually told my midwife she was going to have to figure out another way as I could not do it. One of the reasons I love these women who helped me bring my son into the world is that they know when to be calm, when to ask, when to lay a calming hand on you and when to laugh with you over the warning labels on the birth pools...but they also know when to look you in the eye and simply tell you that you have to do it as there is no other option.

Our beautiful (actually he was kinda funny looking) son was brought into the work with a cry and a push and a big sigh of relief. Welcome to our lives my little love!

After he was born and all was well we moved over to the couch for some skin-to-skin time, some bonding time. A mere 15 minutes after he was born, our son got to meet his big brother.

I want my birthday present "in my hand", he says. Bro Love!

Hello, there. I'm your Momma

He got checked over, measured and weighed. 8lbs 5 oz of wonderful little man for me to snuggle. He then got to meet his grandmothers and big brother read him his first book. As I wanted to capture some of these moments I took the following picture while still lying on the couch in my most undignified attire of towels.

Love those Feet!

What is a Birth Day without a little Birthday celebration. Our Little Man turned 2, so we got to celebrate two wonderful men that day 6 months ago...and we will get to every year on August 22nd!

Mindless Me

Throughout my Sugarless January I came to another health epiphany...I snack WAY too much in front of the computer and TV. Sitting down to watch a show is actually a trigger for me to go get something to eat. I have always struggled with this. It steams from when I was a teen and would run up to the kitchen every commercial break to grab a cookie or two. Please do not think this was allowed but when your mom is at work the mice will play...and eat cookies I found out.

This past month I was eating lots and lots of peanut butter, the all natural kind. I have about a years worth of monounsaturated fatty acids (the good kind) consumed in one month. I would have sugarless toast and peanut butter, crackers and peanut butter and sometime just peanut butter. I know it was not so much the peanut butter but me replacing a sugar food for a non-sugar food to snack on while watching TV while nursing the Littlest Man. See...it is all the babys fault!

My Health Goal this month is to snack mindfully. This means if I am going to snack I need to be fully engaged in the experience. Thus, no snacking in front of the computer or TV or even while reading. This is going to be hard for me...really really hard. That is the point of all this thought. To self assess and improve my health one month at a time. So far I am saying this is the best New Year Resolution-Type-Thingy I have done yet!

Here is my Journey:

Week 1:
Day1: I wanted a snack but no snack for me! I even was a bit 'shaky' indicating I needed some carbs but I did not use this as an excuse. If I really wanted it I would take the time to sit at the table and eat mindfully. Guess I do not mind being shaky.

Day 21:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
This month has not gone so well. I say that like the month is already over, maybe that has been my challenge this month. I don't know. I have not been as dedicated and aware as I was in January. I have had days where I was all over my mindless eating; sitting to eat all my meals, no snacking while making meals, only tea while watching TV then there were days where I didn't just fall off the wagon I high jumped over the back of the wagon and landed on a train zooming the other way. Yeah, it felt that 'large' some days.
BUT I am re-committing to myself, HERE, on my blog that I WILL NOT eat in front of the TV, the computer or while reading for the rest of the month. BOO YEAH!

Day 28:
Well that went better but not perfect. I had no idea I would struggle with this SO MUCH. I knew it would be really hard but not so hard that I would not be able to do it. Looking back over the month I made progress, which is really what these goals are all about. I rarely snack in the afternoon now, which I was doing daily, but struggle with the evenings a lot. I know what I will be continuing to work on in March!

Eyes in the Back of My Head

I have officially grown my 3rd eye. You know that one that moms have in the back of their head. I think I figured out the secret today. It is not so much that moms grown an extra eye it is that kids are not nearly as sneaky as they think they are.

I bet my Little Man was wondering how I knew he got down from his chair, before I washed his hands, all while I was in the basement switching laundry over. Other then Momma Magic, I present the evidence:

A) The scampering of little feet across the floor sounded like a parade of elephants
B) There was a cup of milk hanging with Mary & Joseph in the Nativity scene
C) The Littlest Man and his Bumbo had moved across the room
D) He had a cup and spoon from his tea set on his tray

At least he was honest about the whole thing...or kind of...

Momma: How did (the Littlest Man) get over there

LittleMan: I no no (aka I do not know)

M: How did you get your tea cup

LM: I no no

M: Did you get down from your chair

LM: Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (filled with awe at how I could possibly know this)

I'm Sweet Enough As It Is

I have a sugar addiction. I know I know, the dietitian has a sugar addiction and I don't use the term addiction loosely. Studies have been done that show similar responses to withdrawal of sugar as that of nicotine, heroine and alcohol. I personally liked reading this research. It didn't give me an excuse for eating as much sugar as I liked but made me feel better that I was not a weak willed bad dietitian.

With this in mind I had a conversation with a good friend in December and discovered that we share an addiction to sugar. There is not much support for those like us so we decided to support ourselves and start SugarAnonymous (or not so anonymous). Our challenge for ourselves was to go sugar free for the month of January. We have not been too too strict as we allow honey, maple syrup and other more natural, less common sweeteners like sucanat (neither of us are big on artificial sweeteners) . Yes, I know there is similar amount of glucose in all three but you don't find them in goodies at Tim Hortons, in your latte at Starbucks, and in your favourite chocolate indulgence. The goal was to avoid all white/brown processed sugar and limit sweeteners as much as we can.

This is my journey:
Week 1
Day 1: I almost lost it 15 minutes in. I went for a bag of M&M's a few minutes after midnight totally forgetting my goal and that it was January. Thankfully I was gently reminded just in time and put them away. Actually I hid them so as not to be tempted later on.
Day 2: We had fish for dinner & hubby made his own tartar sauce (b/c I always forget to buy it for him at the grocery store) of mayo and relish. A few bites in...CRAP!.... relish has sugar. No tartar for me!
Day 3: Grocery shopping today! I need to look for a mayo that does not have sugar as our Miracle Whip in the fridge does which I need for tomorrows dinner. Easier said then done. I ready EVERY mayo and mayo-like ingredient list and they all have sugar.
Day 4: Pizza Friday! Today we are having Tuna-Chickpea pizza which calls for mayo. As I discovered yesterday there is no mayo that I could find that didn't have sugar. I decided to get creative and mash avocado to hold the tuna and chickpeas together. Result - hubby liked mine better then theirs. Success!
Day 5: Foiled by Tea! My chocolate chili chai tea was a nice treat this morning....wait for it....CRAP! it has little chocolate chips in it. Who puts chocolate chips in loose leaf tea?!?!? *sigh* Guess it will be waiting for me in February.
Day 6: Chips and dip with hubby tonight. He bought 2 kinds of chip and 2 kinds of dip as he didn't know what I could have (what a sweety). Yup there is sugar in chip dips. Thankfully one of them was sugar free.
Day 7: Foiled by tea again! This time by Banana Cream Pie loose leaf tea - I know I should have checked but it was the first one I grabbed before running out to playgroup with the boys. I thought to check it when I got back...sugar in the while chocolate in it. Dinner today was a big homemade Sunday style dinner so it was easy to keep the sugar out. I used a big of honey on the squash and the Little Man just loved it and asked for 3 servings!I decided to treat myself with a slice of baguette form dinner with a bit of honey - who knew it would be that good.

This first week I learned or was reminded of a few very important things. First, I can do it! When I put my mind to it and get in the right frame of mind I can avoid sugar and survive. Second, my tastes will adjust and start to change as I limit sugar to become more sensitive to other sweetness in all foods. Third, it's habit that foils me every time. It is so easy to just grab something that you like the taste of as you walk by. Breaking the habit is what will help avoid going back to my old ways. Lastly, sugar is in everything! Relish, lattes, ketchup, mayo, chip dip, most soya milks and teas were just a few of the food obstacles I overcame this week.

Week 2
Day 8: I'm really missing my latte's by this point. I made my own Chia Tea Latte with tea bag, milk and a bit of honey. Holy Sweet! I put less in them I would normally and it tasted really sweet so my tastes must be adjusting. Yeah! I found a big chocolate-almond bark in the cupboard today and it didn't even tempt me...we are getting there! Then it all went to hell in the evening. OMG I want sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hubby wanted pizza tonight and I indulged him. I called the pizza place, yup my guess what right, sugar in the sauce! So while the boys had pizza I whipped up a salad and went to put dressing on it.....CRAP.....sugar is the 2nd ingredient is almost all of them. I have been craving sugar or maybe just snacky things all evening - it's all I am thinking about. Cracker (whole grain and no sugar) with peanut butter (all natural, no sugar) will have to suffice.
Day 9: Craving sugar like crazy today. I was going to have some toast with honey to help appease this but reading the ingredients in my whole wheat whole grain bread guess what I found....that's right....Sugar! Thankfully I found a frozen loaf of organic rasin bread that did not have any sugar, nope not even evaporated cane juice. Who knew toasted raisin bread could be so good. Hubby was a sweety and took me out for dinner tonight. There was not much on the menu I was confident I could have but found a great curry and bruschetta that I think was safe. Awwwww it was so very very good.
Day 10: Slowly discovering that many of my lose leaf teas have sugar...so sad. Snacking on rice cracker with peanut butter and honey (2 tsp total) in quite enjoyable....considering I can't even have my regular bread. FIL birthday celebration tonight...I resisted the DQ ice cream cake with its fudgy chocolate cookie filling....nahhhh no sugar there. Awesome MIL made me my own sugar free sausages tonight - so much easier when people are helping you out!
Day 11: Family Pizza Friday night and I was to whipped to make our own (and all jarred pizza sauce has sugar). Called Pizza Pizza and they have 4 sauces without sugar. Woot! Woot!
Day 12: Rockin' day....think I might be getting these cravings under control. While tidying up the kitchen I found a few stray Lindor chocolates AND 3/4 of a Toblerone bar. No temptation! They are now waiting for me in the freezer.
Day 13: Pancakes in the morning with my Little Man...with maple syrup. Not too much but MAN it tasted awesome! After a super stressful afternoon with two boys that Will.Not.Nap I really wanted my crutch back. Like really really really wanted it. I wanted not 1, no 2 but 3 XL DQ Blizzards. I decided that was not a good idea. So I went in search of icecream with no added sugar. Obviously there were No Added Sugar ice creams but they all had artificial sweeteners. I will admit it was still so tempting. I had a Maple Walnut in my hand. But I could not do it. Not just for myself but for my nursing littlest man. I traded my ice cream for Smart Pop - no sugar YEAH!. Ever read the ingredient in chips...more then 1/2 of them have sugar too.
Day 14: I have learned to plan ahead. Shopping at the mall now involved steamed milk with tea bag and bit of honey instead of my desired latte at Starbucks for a treat. Not bad I say. I also brought luck b/c I don't really want to be that person asking every spot in the food court if 'this' or 'that' has sugar, cause most likely it will.

Week 3
Woops....we went for a walk and stopped for drinks. My "Chia Tea Latte with tea bag in steamed milk" came out really really good....it wasn't until I got to the end of the drink that I realized there was not tea bag. Ahhhh sugar from Chia Tea mix you snuck in!
I found this week much easier. I was used to what foods to avoid and as the sugar was out of my system I found myself not craving as much and much less inclined to even want it. Thus, the constant battle of wills was lessening.
And then is happened. It was a long night at the end of a long day at the end of a long week. I swear I do not even remember making the decision to clamber up to the cupboard above the stove and grab that bag of Nibs...and eat the whole thing. They were not even that good. But that is part of this process. And the next day I was back on my wagon.

Week 4
This week started a bit harder after my slip on Nibs the week before. This just clerifies for me the addiction I have for sugar. When I have some I just want some more.
Despite what I knew about this I decided to let myself off the hook over the weekend as I was traveling to a friends for the weekend. I really did not want to be the person asking what was in the pizza sauce! Despite my allowance of small amount of sugar I was able to avoid those high sugar foods. I did not eat ANY of the chocolates she had out on the coffee table. NOT ANY! Hello gold medal for me. I kept my sugar intake to ingredients and 2 half sweet lattes (oh how I missed you!).

Last Few Days
Sugar Crash Fail! The lat few days were very hard as I had been ingesting sugar for the previous 3 days. I did not think I had that much but it was enough to throw me off my game. I combated this with honey (when you are eating honey on toast like the bees are all going to die tomorrow it kinda defeats the purpose!). However I did have a slip. I bought myself some 'Congrats You Made It Cookies' from this amazing store in town two days before the end of the month. Well would that not be the night that The Littlest Man screamed almost all evening. I celebrated a little early ---Woops!

Moving Forward
These is no way I plan to be sugar free for the whole year but I used this month as a reminder that:
1) I can choose not to eat sugar - I am Strong and can do it!
2) The more sugar I eat the more sugar I want
3) Sugar is in everything so be careful that the small amounts add up
4) I can get through stressful times without sugar
5) Sugar really does not make me feel better in the big picture and I do not feel deprived once the moment has passed

Where I plan to go from here...other then my local bakery (kidding)....is to remind myself to limit sugar. I am going to aim to limit high sugar foods to a max of 1 per week and keeping an eye on high sugar drinks. I just do not know if I can give up yummy yummy lattes. Wish me strength!

A big Thank-You to everyone who sent me recipes to try, supported me and made dishes sugar free so I could eat them!

A New Year with New Goals

It's been over a month since I have posted a blog and I am really starting to miss it. Christmas season was busy as can be expected but well worth it. We had a wonderful season as a family of four. The poor Littlest Man was out of sorts as he was teething, developed a rash, broke a few fevers and has a cold that blocked him up so much he kept waking during the night. So between the lack of sleep and hectic holiday scheduled I was one tired Momma by the end of it all.

Now that routines are normalizing and I'm getting some sleep I found myself missing this form of expression and sharing with myself and others.

As the New Years rolled around you hear about the resolutions. Does anyone actually keep those? This year I decided for less of a resolution and more of a focus for 2013. I am going to focus on my health in every and all ways that can be taken. Each month I plan to have one focused goal, to ultimately, at the end of 2013 I would have tired a variety of avenues to positivly impact my health and hopefully some of them will stick.

A few of my ideas are avoiding dairy, exercise, stress relief, time to myself, drinking more water, trialing veganism, getting outside more and pursuing a passion to name a few.

For the first month of January I have decided to avoid traditional sugar and limit other natural sweeteners. This is a challenging month to do this as I have been consuming copious amount of sugar over the last month or so. We know that the more sugar you have the more you crave sugar. We'll see how it goes.

Any suggestions for a goal for a month? Something that you found helpful in your goal towards health.

Happy and Healthy 2013 to Everyone!